hi ho hi ho

It's off to work I go. Tomorrow is my first day of work and I haven't really thought about it much. Actually, I keep thinking about it, then remind myself to stop because I'll just over-think it and get scared and cry. Like I've said before, I'm not good with change. And tomorrow starts a huge change in my life. Other than six hours per week of Mother's Day Out and a few random errands on the weekends, I am with Britton. I know she'll be fine in daycare, that she'll adjust and have no permanent damage. But will I escape this experience so unscathed? How can I fill ten hours a day if it's not feeding, changing, playing with, snuggling, rocking to sleep, laughing with, soothing my little baby girl? Will I be distracted while rocking her at night, a to-do list running through my head of what needs to be done? No more letting Sadie sleep in until 9:30 a.m. in my bed; it's back to the bathroom for her. Will she adjust well?

Where is my crystal ball?

Because I need guarantees that everything will work out fine, that Britton will be ok no matter what, that Sadie won't shake in fear at every little sound this now-quiet house makes, that I will someday soon go to work without water-proof mascara and a heavy heart. No, I'm not going into this with the assumption that it will all come crashing down. I just need to know that what I am giving up is worth it.