nostalgia

the 33rd week

My next doctor's appointment isn't until next Monday, and at that time we will be scheduling another ultrasound so that the doctor can determine if the baby is getting too big too fast. Until then, I have to see the dietician on Thursday for another follow-up. Hopefully she can figure out why my fasting numbers (the blood sugar check first thing in the morning) are going up, regardless of what I do.

The hub and I have taken to sharpening our parenting skills by watching MTV's "16 and Pregnant." We watch these obnoxious teenagers and their useless boyfriends (except for Farrah - whose baby daddy is never mentioned....hmmmm.....) and scream at the tv when they say things like "I don't want to breastfeed because my boobs will sag" and, immediately after birth, "Could you wipe off her face? That's gross." It's easier to focus on the teenage years than the actual birth at this point!

We have our birthing class on July 11, 2009 from 9:00 a.m. until 5:00 p.m. We just couldn't face breaking up the classes into multiple weeks, so we figured we'd treat it like a bar exam review session and get it all in one day. We have to dress in comfortable clothes and bring pillows. Perhaps the hub and I can hide in the back of the room and not make eye contact? I'm just hoping they have 1970-era films of women giving birth.

Breastfeeding class is on July 7, 2009, and the hub is encouraged to attend since "you'll tend to forget everything taught once the baby comes." Great. According to the hospital lady, the hub can then remind me how to do what we were taught in class. I can predict this now - breastfeeding isn't working, I don't know what I'm doing, and the hub, as he has been told, reminds me what to do. Hormone-ridden achy me screams, "If you're so smart, why don't you do it? I guess you think you're better than me because you can remember how to feed our child. Are you saying I'm a bad mom?!" Worse case scenario, but still. And we're hoping we make it to Infant CPR class on July 28th and that Baby B hasn't decided to grace us with her presence too early.

And in other news, I have a job interview tomorrow! I applied for the Drug Court Coordinator position for Oklahoma County. I have some experience with Drug Court since the judge I clerked for started the first Drug Court in West Virginia. They don't know I'm pregnant, and so I figure that I will bring it up first and early just to clear the air. I'm hoping that the position doesn't have a quick start date, and maybe if they want to hire me I can start part-time now, or wait until after the baby. Crossing my fingers!

back home

The one thing I can't get enough of in this pregnancy is water. I dream about water on a very consistent basis - always the ocean, not always calm seas. I have craved floating to the point where an above-ground pool from Sam's Club was starting to sound like a good idea. And, partly because of the diabetes and partly because of doubling my blood volume, I can't drink enough water.

So, I checked with my doctor last Monday and she cleared me for take-off. Admittedly, I was scared of traveling by air once the trip was actually going through. My biggest fear was going into labor without the hub. I was able to upgrade to first class from Oklahoma City to Dallas, which made that leg of the trip easy and relaxing. From Dallas to Norfolk I ended up switching seats with a guy who wanted to sit next to his girlfriend and sat next to a kid, no bigger than 50 pounds soaking wet, for all 2.5 hours. Score! I could take up as much room as I wanted. I did get shortness of breath on that flight, and the worrying over it made it get worse. But I didn't want to cause a scene, or freak out, so I figured I'd alert the attendant if things got really bad. They didn't, and I made it to Norfolk.

Let me just say that gestational diabetes and airport food options do not mix. It didn't occur to me that I could bring my own food, so I was stuck buying meals and snacks with no clue what to eat. My blood sugar levels were ridiculously horrible, and I just hope my doctor understands.

Once in Virginia Beach I got into the pool... Here I am floating on my stomach! I haven't been on my stomach in months...and I miss it.



Then that night my mom, me, and my aunt Jill went to Croaker's for seafood. Yummmmmm. I had the Croaker's Trio - shrimp, scallops, and lobster all broiled in butter and lemon. I also had to have one of their incredible corn muffins and I paid for it later with a blood sugar reading that blew past any of my other readings! We walked along the beach afterwards, which helped with my swollen cankles.


Then on to Chick's Beach. Here are me and Jessica exposing delicate redhead skin to the sun. The weather was awesome. Luckily Jessica has been pregnant in the summertime before, so I was able to borrow her maternity suits and save money. I'll admit it - in the privacy of my mom's pool, I did pull out the bikini.




On Friday night my cousin Stephanie, her husband Kevin, their kids Alexandria and Gavin, and my aunt Jill came over for some grilling. Jessica and I had spent the afternoon buying nursing bras for me and I picked up this tank top for the humid summer days. We ate steak and crab dip, and I did manage to sneak in a little exercise before we all headed out to Marshall's for some shopping.




It was a great trip! I got to do some shopping, some hanging out with family, Jessica and I made it to Cold Stone Creamery (where I had a diet Pepsi ONLY) and visit with our friend Valerie and her son Mylo, and of course play in the pool and at the beach. Jessica brought down her hospital-grade breast pump for me to borrow, and she showed me how to use it. Luckily, she will be coming to Oklahoma City when I have the baby, because my baby brain may not have retained all the information about hooking it up. My mom filled me up with tons of seafood and we relaxed every day.

the 8th month

Today I am 32 weeks along, also known as the eighth month. Whew! I am not ready to be eight months along, mainly because I am not ready to have this baby outside of my body. Call me selfish, but I have not really yet accepted all that will be required of me after she is born.

I went to the doctor's today and we went over the ultrasound results. Dr. Doeden is not really concerned that the head is measuring three weeks ahead of the baby because the baby's body is measuring only 32 weeks. Apparently, as long as the head is bigger than the body, I'm in good shape. My belly is measuring at 34 weeks. The doctor is happy with my blood sugar levels, but I still have to see the dietician one more time to tweak my 3:00 a.m. snack. See, I was testing high on my ketones in the morning, so I have to get up every night at 3:00 a.m. to get a snack. Well, it has helped my ketone levels, but now my morning fasting numbers are high. I can't win!

The doctor cleared me for take-off tomorrow morning, so I will be heading out until Saturday to go visit my mom and sister. I am finishing up the packing, but I have to wait for the hub to get home from work to retrieve the suitcase from the attic. My flight times coincide with snack and meal times tomorrow, so I'm going to have to buy food in the terminal to take on the plane with me. And at least one leg of the trip I am scheduled to be in the middle seat - ugh. Maybe someone will be kind enough to give me the aisle seat?

the first father's day

Watch enough Maury and you know that it doesn't take much to become a father. You don't even have to intend to become a father! And some bitter women, some rightfully so, will refer to men as "sperm donors" as if there is some special connotation to being called a father. There isn't. Even when women do horrible things to their children, they are still referred to as "bad moms." Nobody seems as eager to take away the title of "mother" as they do "father," as if it is earned.

"Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be a dad." ~Author Unknown

And therein lies the difference. Today is the hub's first Father's Day, and it's not a "kind of" or "sorta" thing. He is a father by virtue of having made a baby. A baby that's still baking, but a baby nonetheless. And I celebrate that because he'll be a great daddy. Anyone who has ever attended high school knows that the girls who give it all up to strangers, the girls who think that by trading sex for love someone will think they are special, are the girls who never had a daddy. There is no more an important relationship in a daughter's life than the one she has with her dad - it shapes, in whatever small way, the relationships she will have with men for the rest of her life. And it is this special relationship Baby B and the hub will have that is so important, because I will teach her to be a woman and he will teach her to never settle for less than a real man. Or no man at all. Sense of self is taught and must be practiced.

So, congrats to my hub on this, his first of many Father's Days. He will become a daddy, whether it be upon hearing her first cry, or feeling her hand grip his finger, or one of the other thousands of things she will do to grab onto his heart. And once you become a daddy, that is it. You are done.

Happy Father's Day to my dad, catching marlin in the sky, and my hub, and all the wonderful daddies out there in real land.

i forgot

Some things I forgot to mention about the ultrasound:

1. She now weighs 4 pounds, 9 ounces. Much bigger than the 3.3 pounds babycenter.com says she is weighing this week.

2. The technician asked me if my due date was based on an ultrasound measurement, or date of last period. It is based off of date of last period. She asked if I had measured big before, and I told her that at my 21 week ultrasound, I was measuring at 21 weeks, so no. Apparently the hub and I may need to re-think this due date thing.

3. The technician said everything is where it should be and that everything looks normal. Whew!

4. The technician took so long to go get the CD of pictures, the hub is convinced that she called my OB/GYN and ratted me out for making a big baby. Well, that's gestational diabetes for you!

Now I'm off to the dietician. My blood sugar levels have been testing very well, so hopefully she will continue me on food control and no insulin. As far as what it means for the baby's head to be measuring at 3 weeks ahead of schedule, Dr. Doeden will fill me in at Monday's appointment.

the ultrasound

Here are pictures from our ultrasound today! Baby B kept her arm in front of her face (mouth area) the entire time, despite the technician poking my full bladder to try and make her move it. I am 31 weeks, 3 days today, but the baby is measuring 34 weeks, 3 days by her head measurement. My doctor will be discussing this with me on Monday at my next appointment, but I'm pretty sure it means she will be debuting earlier than expected.

Profile picture:

Foot:

Face looking straight at you:


She's looking down, and the blob across the bottom is her arm right below her mouth:




Side of face, with chubby cheeks and using her arm to block the picture:

See the blob at the bottom? That's her hand, and if you follow it you can make out her nose to the right of the top of it, then the eyes:

Her hands, on either side of her face:

the 31st week

This week the baby weighs 3.3 pounds and measures approximately 17 inches long. She has been moving a lot more lately, especially in the early morning (around 6:00 a.m.), which sometimes wakes me up. I think she may be running low on space because her arms/elbows/feet/whatever is hitting me tends to hold the punch longer. I have no idea if she is breach or not, though the doctor isn't worried if she is because there is time for her to turn.

We have our 3D ultrasound on Wednesday! I haven't had one yet, and haven't even had an ultrasound since the 21st week, so I'm pretty excited. This ultrasound is a little more nerve-wracking in that I will hopefully be able to see her face, and I'm just hoping that everything is there and in the place it should be. The ultrasound folks called today to verify the appointment and reminded me to arrive with a full bladder. I cannot arrive anywhere without a full bladder. I seek out a bathroom in every store I go to, and I am the reason our household is going through toilet paper like it's going out of style.

I also have an appointment on Thursday with the dietician, and she is going to review my food journal and blood sugar levels. Overall I have been below the maximum, but I am still learning what sets off my blood sugar. For instance, I can have bread in the morning, but no milk. I do have milk at lunch and dinner, but bread at lunch and dinner raise my blood sugar. And tonight I found out that a carb-balance tortilla at dinner has the same effect as bread. I can have fruit for my morning snack, but no other time in the day. I can definitely see myself eating basically the same food every day because once I learn what works, I stick with it.

Josh's parents are coming into town on Wednesday, just in time to join us for the ultrasound. I will post pictures as soon as they are scanned in.

the cart before the horse

We already found the "going home from the hospital" outfit, as you know. But I have had to literally hold myself back from buying all the little girl baby stuff I see. We got so many clothes from our baby showers that we're set. At least for the first three months. But it's the cutesy stuff I am most drawn to - that I rationalize needing the most. I do not have a diaper bag, but I have baby legs (leg warmers for babies). In fact, this exact set:

How cute are these things? And while you know I am not a huge fan of Sears Portrait Studio-esque photos, I have scanned the Tiny Prints website in search of the perfect birth announcements. And the announcements will need a picture.... I am utterly in love with pettiskirts. Obviously not for the everyday style, but the perfect outfit for a special occasion, like an announcement.



Or, if you so choose, the fancy diaper cover

Ahhhh, I am in girly heaven.

the bottom

Well, I finally came face-to-face with the gestational diabetes. While I don't normally open up my email for all to see (well, all 2 of you who read this), it is the most honest I have been to myself about the situation. I wrote the following email to my sister on Wednesday:

I finally broke at 12:05 p.m. I was sitting there with my salad in front of me and my 8 oz. of milk, and I just started crying hard. I just saw it - me, sitting in front of the tv, alone, watching baby story, and a salad I have to eat that I don't want to eat, and I was nauseous 15 minutes prior and feeling really hot and I kept thinking 'I DON'T WANT TO EAT RIGHT NOW, AND I REALLY DON'T WANT A SALAD.' And it's not fair, I can't eat when I want to or what I want to. And it's only day 2, and I'm not supposed to lose willpower yet, and I'm supposed to be motivated for the sake of the baby's health. But it's not about hurting the baby because I want dessert. I'm pissed and devastated at the same time, and I feel guilty, and I know I shouldn't but people telling me so doesn't make it so. Even now, 22 minutes after starting, I am still crying in spells, scaring the crap out of Sadie. I'm tired, and my movements are relegated to 15 minutes of cardio 30 minutes after eating. I don't see how I can do this for 8-10 weeks. I really feel like I'm losing my mind.

Admittedly, a lot came out at once. I used to have a roommate who cried in the shower because it was easier, and you were already wet. I picked up the idea because it made sense - whenever things just get to be too much, inevitably I will lay down my guard and let it out in the shower. You don't have to cover the sounds, and nobody wonders why your door was locked.

Jessica wrote back immediately, reminding me it will get easier, it will become something over which I have power, it will one day end. And it has gotten easier, if only because I have given up and succumbed to it. I "swallow my pill," as it were, every day, but it is easier because I've finally let go of the knot in my throat. I've made the decision that there is no decision to be made - I have to do it "just because."

And for anyone visiting at the birth/after the birth, please bring the following: Subway cold-cut combo with extra mayo on white bread; Coke classic on ice; Krispy Kreme glazed donuts fresh from the oven; a limeade; carrot cake with tons of cream cheese icing; Tudor's Biscuit World peppi (hey, a girl can dream); and a bowl of Kraft Mac 'n Cheese spirals.

the test, again

Yesterday I had a doctor's appointment, where my doctor wanted to discuss my failing the 3 hour glucose test. It is official that I have gestational diabetes. I am not too surprised, as I do have a family history. And, as well, I was diagnosed as insulin-resistant before getting pregnant. I had to go meet with the dietician, and this could prove dicey as my insurance may not cover "nutritional therapy" for gestational diabetes, only diabetes. My doctor was livid when I told her this, because she pointed out that maybe they'd rather cover NICU for two months, or a c-section? Ha! She's a firecracker, this one. The nutritionist was very nice and showed me how to check my blood sugar, and keep a food journal, and eat at certain times. Basically, as she put, I "must watch the clock like it's my job." Because I have to eat breakfast at 8:00, snack at 10:00, lunch at noon, snack at 3:00, dinner at 6:00 and snack at 8:00. Eating is no longer about pleasure, but purely about combinations of carbohydrates and proteins.

I know this diagnosis isn't the end of the world, but it's the end of my world. Everything changes, and I don't always do well with change. I asked the dietician, "How am I supposed to go to the store?" If I have to eat, then work out for 15 minutes 30 minutes after eating, then test my blood sugar two hours later, that leaves me a little more than an hour before I have to test. And I'm not comfortable with the whole thing yet. I have to put serious consideration into every meal - enough carbs? enough protein? enough nutrients? did I include fruit/milk/vitamins/minerals/iron/etc? I know that in two weeks I'll be doing everything like I've done it my whole life, but I need to be good at this.

Two main reasons: (1) I don't want to be on insulin, and my doctor said I was 5 points away from having to inject myself; and (2) I really do not want a c-section. Not because I think it makes me less of a woman (really?) but because it sets me up for a c-section if I ever have more children. And the recovery is difficult. Of course, on the plus side, my kid would have a beautiful round head.

the 30th week

I am officially 30 weeks today. Whew! I think I have done the most growing between 26 weeks and 30 weeks. The hub and I went to a wedding this weekend, and as I got up from the table I ran into his head with my belly! I also ran into his aunt with my belly, but she didn't mind. The belly has taken on a life of its own, and makes me somewhat off-balance. I also have marked fatigue, much worse than anything I've had all pregnancy. I sleep a good 9-10 hours per night, and this weekend I had not one but two naps.

Also, I have become more "achy." I still have the ligament pain, especially if I have been walking a lot, but the arches of my feet are getting in on the pain too, and I am now stuck only wearing my sneakers. I also have this vague pain in my pelvis, almost like the baby is kicking my cervix. Heck, she might be!

Another side effect from this advanced stage? I am grumpier than usual, and I don't want it pointed out to me. At the grocery store today, the cashier told me I had to go to customer service to get stamps, not the register. I pointed out that I would then have to use my debit card TWICE and he offered that he could void my purchases so I could purchase everything at once. I told him not to bother and that I'd get stuck running my card TWICE and how come every other grocery store lets you buy stamps at the register and didn't he see that being 7 and a half months pregnant I certainly didn't want to waddle all over the store so I could buy some stupid over-priced stamps?! He just looked at me, so I bought the stupid stamps and lurked out of the store.

Drawing of baby at 30 weeks...

According to the baby books, the baby is now getting wrinkles on her brain and opening her eyes. Her fingernails and toenails have grown in, and she is starting to lose the lanugo (fine hair all over the body) because she is putting on some fat. It's been suggested that I start playing some music for her, as babies who are exposed to certain music repeatedly will relate to that music once outside the womb and calm down easier when hearing it. I figure it's worth a try, and I think we've decided on Vivaldi's Four Seasons (Winter? or Spring?). The hub pointed out that it should be something we want to hear a lot, so I'm back to suggesting Alison Krauss.

the belly pictures

I have been taking pictures of my belly since week 12 of pregnancy. Now, granted, if you get inclined to scroll down to 12 weeks, there isn't much to see. It looks more like usual chub than pregnancy! And we didn't tell friends/co-workers (who saw me every day) until I was 14 weeks, so it wasn't like I was hiding a watermelon. But since then I have taken multiple pictures to document the belly. And I was browsing the web and came upon belly portraits.

The hub and I never got engagement photos taken. We specifically had our wedding photographed in a journalistic style, with few posed pictures. Suffice it to say, I'm not lining up at Glamour Shots on a weekly basis. And I love the idea of taking pictures of the belly - I just don't want to do it with someone I don't know, charging me per hour and per photo. So what did I do? Digital camera + self-timer + stolen ideas from said internet. Enjoy!

I totally stole this one from Rachel over at lilpattisons.blogspot.com.


I like that this one is off-center.

And since I have retouch on iPhoto, I don't have to remember the stretch marks! Sneaky...

Here's some more...



The last one took at least 43 tries to get right. Let's just say there are quite a few revealing photos in the computer's trash, and it took a while to adjust the sonogram picture to cover certain upper chest region body parts.

the 29th week

The hub and I have been discussing all the things about baby that need to be discussed/bought/found/researched. So far we have figured out we still need to buy a diaper bag, a hamper for the baby's room, a baby sling, and I'm sure other things I haven't bothered to write down. We also need to tour/get on the waiting list of good daycares in the hopes that I will get employed after birth and need to use a daycare. We found the pediatrician (yay!) and signed up for birthing classes (yay!).

Lastly, we have been discussing the "birthing plan." I'm pretty sure it goes something like this: baby gets out through my bellybutton and it tickles! No, really. People are very quick to share their stories I don't need to hear. "My sister tore - 14 stitches!" "My best friend was paralyzed from the epidural." "A girl I work with had her baby all natural - and she was 12 pounds!" I've decided on my birthing plan. It will be one of three familiar options:

1. Romantic Comedy (rom-com) labor: I will scream at the hub for knocking me up in the first place. Extra points for foul language in PG-13 and up! I will have "sweaty" hair, but perfect make-up. Some obstacle will be in place - the hub can't find the hospital, I'm forced to ride a bike, or there's some horrible traffic jam and only one road to get to the hospital. Once getting to the hospital, I must confess multiple times to the hub that I can't do it. He'll pep talk me with exactly what gives me the will to live. Hilarity ensues! See "Father of the Bride Part II" and "Knocked Up"

2. Sit-Com labor: Pretty much follows the rom-com labor, but there's only 22 minutes for all the fun! Grunts instead of screaming. One must-have: birth in an elevator, accompanied by an unknown young guy who proves he has the strength to become the doctor his dad always wanted him to be. Of course, mere moments after giving birth, the doors work and the hub is standing there, ready to embrace mom and baby. Tears glisten. See Seventh Heaven, any episode of Friends for cheesiness.

3. Hall-Mark and/or Lifetime Movie and/or soap opera labor: soft light, breezy curtains of lace. Beyond the hospital room is the beautiful Pacific ocean. My private room is the size of a small hotel. There's no actual labor or delivery. Somehow the baby magically appears in my arms, I'm surrounded by fine white linens, lying in bed in a nightgown of the finest silk. No stains. The baby never cries. The hub floats into the room, we meet eyes, focus to the hub with a tear trickling down his stubble.