we've turned the corner

Seems Britton's gas problems were masking her acid reflux issues and it became quite obvious yesterday morning. She hadn't slept well the night before, and we chalked it up to regular baby stuff. But in the morning she gagged, coughed, wheezed, and had pain only milk was going to stop. The only problem is, it becomes a vicious circle where the milk calms her stomach, but digesting a new meal brings on more acid. I called the doctor and they phoned in a prescription. The hub picked it up on the way home, and she's been better ever since.

We've encountered a problem with swaddling too. As long as she keeps flailing her arms, she has to be swaddled to sleep. But she has grown so much in length that the blanket wasn't holding together anymore! I had even resorted to holding it together with duct tape, and that started to fail. So the hub stopped by Babies 'R Us and picked up a swaddle sleep sack and a regular swaddle blanket with velcro to try out. We had already been using the sleep sack before having to swaddle, and it is quite the marketing scheme on their part to sell the swaddle for the sleep sack separately.

Not to be a downer, but these last few weeks have been very trying on me concerning Britton's gas and reflux issues. I was starting to believe that we wouldn't have interaction, save for feeding and comforting. I wanted her to be able to just lay on the couch with me and smile at me and make all those beautiful baby expressions and noises. But for the last few weeks she wasn't able to just be. She was either crying or eating or being soothed, and it felt like what I thought it was going to be was slipping further and further away. I started longing for her first month, where she slept and ate, and didn't scream in pain. And I didn't want to be angry anymore that what I thought it would be and what it was were so far apart. This is the part nobody tells you about because in all honesty you don't really want to hear it. Reading baby books for answers is pretty hard when you haven't put a baby down in hours. And searching the internet will drive you crazy, if you can even find information you trust. We don't talk about it because when it happens, there's no right answer of how to fix it. The only one who can tell me what's wrong can't talk.

Don't get me wrong - it wasn't bad all the time. And I'm sure that it affected me more because this is my first time at being a mom, and I'm really shooting from the hip, trying all different ways to help her. But this morning, after six straight hours of glorious sleep, I stood over her hammock, watching her smile and laugh in her sleep, and I knew we had turned a corner. And I let out a breath I had been holding for a long while.

the weekend visit

On Friday I picked up some medicine for Britton, and her gas problems are really no longer a problem. She still gets gas, as all babies do, but it doesn't put her into screaming fits anymore. Plus I think she was having problems with dairy, and me living off of chicken, rice, and potatoes has helped her as well. I'll start adding foods in this week.

While the hub's away, his parents will play! The hub's parents came to visit this weekend, and brought much-needed reinforcement. Britton was entranced by them, cooing and smiling and being all-around well-behaved. As we are waiting to see what Britton decides to call them, I will refer to the hub's parents as Grandma and Grandpa. Grandpa, after hearing about me locking myself out (and Britton in) of the house last week and going hysterical, bought a garage door keypad so it won't happen again. As well, I am also trading keys with my neighbor Missy as even more insurance. Grandpa also bought Britton a heater, as Grandma noticed that Britton loved her bath, but not the cool temperature we keep the house. Especially when she is wet! We warmed that bathroom up to a balmy 85 degrees, and Britton was all smiles in her bath. And she of course got treated to her warmed towel and massage afterwards.

We had a fantastic time, and I really couldn't have asked for a better weekend. When I was born, only one of my grandmothers was alive, and no grandfathers. So, I missed out on what my friends described when they went to visit their grandparents - the spoiling, the unconditional loving, the absolute joy that the grandchild brings to the grandparents. But I got to see it this weekend, and I feel so lucky that Britton will have a great relationship with her grandparents.

elimination diet

The good news from our pediatrician appointment is that Britton now weighs 10 pounds, 6 ounces. That is an average weight gain of an ounce per day! So at least now my fears that when she breastfeeds she is getting nothing are silenced. The bad news? Her severe gas pain is probably due a food allergy or intolerance, which she is getting from my breastmilk. He also pointed out that this is the age where the intestines go a little haywire, and she should grow out of most of her issues.

Now about the elimination diet. The doctor suggested just cutting out dairy since it is usually the biggest culprit. I thought I had been, but I have since learned that dairy comes in all forms, listed in the ingredient section by many different names than "milk." So for the next week I am eating only chicken, potatoes, squash, green beans, pears, bananas, apples, and all-fruit sorbet, and drinking only water. Ugh. I miss my creamer-filled coffee already. Who knew non-dairy creamer actually has dairy in it? After one week I can start adding foods slowly, one at a time, in the hopes that Britton will react to whatever it is she doesn't like in my diet. That way I won't have to eat like this for the entire time I breastfeed her.

The last couple of days have been really hard on her and me and the hub. Even Sadie has been shaking due to Britton's crying. It seemed that nothing we did gave her any relief and the gas was just so painful for her. Hopefully with these changes we've turned a corner.

Another first for us - today is the first day I am doing this by myself. The hub left for Vegas late this morning, and I'm on my own until his parents arrive tomorrow afternoon. It's not the nighttime I'm worried about - Britton has been sleeping for six hours straight so consistently that I count on it now. Even upon waking and eating, she's down for the count for another three hours afterwards. I'm mostly apprehensive about this evening, when she has had the most gas problems. And I'm scared to handle it without another rational adult who can remind me that she isn't being difficult on purpose. But luckily she seems content today, more content than I have seen her in a couple of days, so I'm crossing my fingers that everything goes well tonight. Sadie dog has been sick since last night, throwing up if she even looks at food (doesn't stop her from begging for it). So we all need a calm night to get back to normal.

twins?

No, I don't remember having two babies! The hub's mom sent us this picture of the hub as a baby. She noticed the resemblance right away. Looking at the two pictures, it is uncanny how alike Britton and the hub look. It is now confirmed that this baby inherited nothing from me but her eye color and long skinny feet! Hopefully she will also inherit the hub's sense of humor, kindness, and love of travel.

We're off to the pediatrician's office tomorrow morning. Britton's gas problems have gotten progressively worse over the last two weeks, and I'd like the doctor to make sure nothing is wrong. At the very least he can show me some techniques to give her relief. She's fine until noon, then the issues begin. Today it took swaddling, rocking in her glider, and holding her tightly for an hour for her to feel better. And the entire time I could hear her tummy making noises. Cross your fingers that we find something that works!

Activity Mat

Britton is now enjoying her activity mat and interacting with it well. At first she wanted nothing to do with it. I think it overwhelmed her. But now that she is getting more alert she can take more in.

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saturday

Our day consisted of hanging out and watching college football. Ahhh, I love fall. And one of many firsts - Britton watched the mobile on her swing today.

Let's go, Mountaineers!

Sweet girl fell asleep on me. Look at those eyelashes...

A little naptime...


The day is gone, time for night...

the night moves

We may finally have this night thing down! For the past three nights, Britton has done an excellent job of going to sleep. The key for her is consistency. She gets her full-tummy bottle, then time to kick around and move the milk through. Next she nurses to top her off and for comfort. Around 11:00 p.m. she gets swaddled, and swayed in our bedroom with the lights low. Once the vaporizer is set on high, the white noise throws her into sleep. For two of the last three nights she has slept at least six hours in a row. Just let that sink in. At least six hours in a row. We're sticking with what works, and hoping that with adjustments along the way she can continue to sleep well.

We're planning on just hanging out this weekend, as college football has rendered the hub glued to the television all day Saturday. Which is fine by me, as Britton has no real schedule during the day and I feel best staying at home. That way I can walk around sans shirt and feed her at whim. We're hoping to make it to Dillards at some point so the hub can get new shoes and sunglasses for his Vegas trip next weekend. That will be the first time I have to do this parenting thing all by myself, but I'm ready. The hub's parents are visiting that weekend, which will be a help in the errand department. 99.9% of taking care of Britton is dictated by who is providing the boobies, and that's me folks.

Britton has started moving towards two big naps during the day, and now finds the activity mat fun. She is definitely waking up fully now during her active periods, and seems to be eating more. The hub measured her last night, and it looks like she's grown at least two inches since birth. Her two month appointment is October 2nd, so we'll have to wait to see the official measurements of weight and length.

after the rain

daddy & daughter

I took this video last week. Bad girl that she is, Britton has been sticking her tongue out, but only if you do it first. I must brag on her a minute...last night she slept from 12:20 a.m. until...wait for it....7:10 a.m. That's right. I know it's all a fluke and there's no rhyme or reason for why she'll go for seven hours one night and wake up every two hours the next night. But I love that she gave her daddy seven hours of continuous sleep for his birthday.

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doctor visit mess-ups

She smiles now, and this was all the smile I could capture...


Yesterday I had my 6 week postpartum doctor's visit. Or, at least, I was supposed to. I showed up at 3:15 p.m. for my 3:30 p.m. appointment. I quickly realized that Britton was getting hungry, and I bolted to the back of the office to feed her. I had brought a bottle because I'm not ready to try breastfeeding in public. I don't want to try maneuvering the nipple shield while holding my shirt up, all without the use of my boppy pillow. It's too much for me. So, I fed Britton her bottle and soothed her with her pacifier. I told the doctor's nurse to let me know when an exam room opened up so I could try breastfeeding her, as the bottle wasn't quite enough for this girl's voracious appetite. I got into an exam room and tried to feed Britton, hunched over a chair with her sprawled on my lap. Not going to happen. The nurse comes in, checks my blood pressure, and tells me to get undressed from the waist down.

Now, I have no intention of getting undressed until I know the doctor is walking into the room. I start imagining worst-case scenarios of Britton losing her cool, screaming her head off, me trying to comfort her all while keeping that thin sheet of material around my bare ass. Nope, not going to happen. The nurse comes in and I realize that it is now 4:30 p.m. She says something about the doctor going to an interview and she has no idea why it's taking so long and do I mind waiting a little longer? Now, I've already invested time here but I don't want to wait too long. Not that Britton has given me any indication she is close to losing it, but you never know when you're talking about a six-week-old. So I told her to see if the doctor's PA is available instead and she isn't. So I leave. And being super-annoyed at this point, I tell the nurse, "I better not get charged for this visit." Yeah, because I'm just that classy.

So, I left with no exam, and have to go back on Thursday. Ugh.

Well, this morning I notice that Sadie dog's lower lip is swollen up. Thinking she has been bit by a poisonous spider, I call the vet to get an appointment later this morning. Right before leaving Britton wants to be fed and Sadie wants to sleep on the couch. I finally get both of them in the car and to the vet's office. While trying to unload the car seat and wrangle the diaper bag, a girl who works at the vet's office is walking a dog and the dog proceeds to try and mount Sadie. I start yelling at her to get her dog under control and all she does is keep looking at me saying "oops" over and over again. I abandon the car seat and Britton to pick up Sadie and get her away from this mutt when the lady from the vet's office comes out to help. She grabs Sadie and asks if she's alright. She then proceeds to talk sternly with the girl, who I realize at this point is mentally challenged. Oy. While waiting on the vet, I give Britton a bottle to try and stave off her mid-day chow down. I notice she ate it pretty quickly, then see I didn't put the top on correctly and her hand socks and onesie are soaked. I, of course, don't have an extra outfit. I left with a wet hungry baby, antibiotics for Sadie's dog acne, and shredded nerves. I may never leave the house again at this rate! Now I must brush off this day, because today is the hub's 31st birthday and we are celebrating tonight with mexican food from Ted's. Take-out.

"Could someone order me Proactive?"

six weeks

Today would have been the day my maternity leave was to end. At the beginning of my second trimester, I informed my then-boss Diana that I was pregnant and planned on taking six weeks of maternity leave. I had every intention of working until I went into labor and using up my annual and sick leave for maternity leave. But then we learned that the hub's job was moving to Oklahoma, and so were we. And I can honestly say that I had no idea what I was talking about when I said that six weeks was enough. It's not just that nights are unpredictable, and so is sleep. Or that the idea of leaving court every three hours to pump was a ridiculous concept and would have lead to me giving up breastfeeding very quickly. I just never knew (and how could I?) that my days are more than babysitting her - feedings, and naps, and diaper changes. And going back to work now would have been heart-wrenching. No doubt I would have been one of those mothers sobbing in the daycare parking lot.

a long two nights

These photos are from when she was three weeks old, but because I took them with film and they then had to be developed, there was a bit of a delay. We have been in a transition week this week, and last night the girl finally broke me. Britton has been more alert this week, learning to stay awake for longer periods and take in everything around her. But with this new development comes over-stimulation, and then regression. First she had to be swaddled again, then soothed with the pacifier. For the last two nights she has blown off the 11:30 p.m. to 5:30 a.m. sleeping schedule in favor of crying at all hours of the night, then staying wide awake. Poor thing has also been moving through some big "digestions" and you can hear her belly gurgling even while she's eating.

Last night was my breaking point. She went to bed at midnight, swaddled up and full. At 3:12 a.m. she awoke to eat, and then she refused to go back to sleep. Finally asleep an hour later, she woke up within fifteen minutes to just be fussy. Come 5:31 a.m., with only three hours of sleep under my belt, the hub got up with her. He fed her a bottle and stayed home today so I could sleep, and sleep I did. For the next five hours. Let me repeat that...five straight hours. Which is a godsend when your baby hasn't let you sleep for two nights in a row.

Everything I've read says this will pass after a couple of days, once she becomes comfortable with her environment and her new awareness of it. I look at her and I don't want to be mad, I don't want to cry out of frustration, I don't want to resent her needs. And I've had each of those emotions more than once over the last two nights. So I remember back a couple of nights ago when I told the hub that it's not hard to want to be her hero. I remember that she doesn't want to stay up all night, she doesn't want to be confused about her surroundings, and she doesn't want to cry. And it helps.

perspective

The best things in life aren't things.

swing low, sweet chariot

Britton is finally big enough to use her swing without ending up fallen over. I tried to put her in it when my mom was visiting, and I came back into the room to find her with her head in her lap. We have added an additional head support because while the lamb ears are cute, they aren't holding her head up very well. Britton has always enjoyed being swayed, and the last couple of days she has reverted to needing the swaying, swaddling, and soothing with a pacifier during her fussy periods. She has also spent the last couple of nights being naughty, vehemently fighting the beautiful sleeping period of 11:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Last night she stayed up until 1:30 a.m. She is having more active periods of staying awake, and now she seems to think one active period is at 11:30 p.m. Ugh. Hopefully we can get her adjusted and sleeping earlier again. I tend to get cranky without good sleep. And nobody likes cranky mommy!

those people

We've become "those people," me and the hub. You know who I'm talking about. We started out normal enough. We spent our twenties in school, mired in student loan debt, bought and sold a couple of houses, slept in until noon on the weekends, spent our money how we wanted on what we wanted, traveled, went on vacations, had season tickets to WVU. Then, last December, it all started to change. We found out I was pregnant. Sure, the maternity clothes were a necessity because none of my regular clothes fit. And so was the expensive lotion to keep stretch marks at bay (it didn't work). And so were the crib, clothes, massive amount of onesies, diapers, sleep hammock, baby bjorn, swing, boppy pillow, lotions, Boudreaux's Butt Paste, Baby Legs, bedding. And so on and so on. Still, we didn't know we were changing. But we were already changed. This last trip to Babies 'R Us sealed the deal. Somewhere between our Target Pottery Barn knock-off furniture, and Coastal Living-esque decor, lies the truth...

We are those people. Those people that say that a baby won't change them, that the baby will have to conform to their lives, and go to their restaurants (no kid's menu here, folks!), and sleep on their schedule, and - the most important - won't take over their house. And were so wrong. She did take over. And we've given up. Yes, that easily. Take it, Britton. The house is yours.

And for more Britton cuteness...

Sadie thinks to herself, "This used to be a solo gig, sister."

hooked on a feeling

There is a phenomenon that comes with parenthood that nobody told me about. But the difficulty comes in describing it. Ever tried describing grief? Or heartache? Or birth? Or, better yet, an orgasm? You can't. We simply don't have the words that describe it as well as the actual experience of it. But I will try.

See, I've always been a deep sleeper. I used to wake up and say, "What hurricane? I didn't hear a thing." My college roommate blow-dried her hair while I slept. In a tiny cinderblock room. I can sleep anywhere and I generally fall asleep within seconds of my head hitting the pillow. But ever since Britton entered our bedroom I cannot sleep like I used to. Sure, she makes sounds - hiccups, farts, general sighs, yelps, and when she's ready to get up, small cries - but that's not what keeps me up. As soon as I lay down, my body feels like Jolt is pulsing through my veins. You know that sketchy feeling you'd get after pulling an all-nighter studying for exams in college, hyped up on caffeine pills and massive amounts of coffee? It's like nervous shaking. And the minute I get tucked in I feel it. And when Britton makes her sounds it pulls me from whatever deep sleep I'm in.

I was convinced that pregnancy made you pee every two hours to get you ready for getting up with the baby. But when getting up to pee I never had to stay awake for thirty minutes and breastfeed on my non-back supporting couch with me cursing the DVR for messing up. Everything is an adjustment.

So that brings me back to this adrenalin-shaky-Jolt feeling. I know it is so I will wake up to the baby's needs, and I do. But I came to a realization last night. And it is this............. This feeling never goes away. Beyond feedings and diaper changes there will be bad dreams, and needs of glasses of water, and "I don't feel good," and boogeymen, and then later teenagers trying to sneak out, and me waiting to hear my children come home at their early-morning curfews. I will spend the next eighteen years of night listening for my children, my body at the ready to jump up, energy pulsing through me even as I sleep.

one month old

Yes, the only things she inherited from me were my long feet and dark blue eyes...


Britton and I ventured out to Target on her one month birthday. I was so proud of both of us: me for using the shopping cart to hold the car seat for the first time, and her for not crying, even when the obnoxious brat behind us threw a fit because he didn't want to share the Twix with his mom. She stirred, but then Britton called shenanigans and farted. Good girl! We did pick up a double headrest since every time Britton is in her carseat her head falls in extreme angles and sends the hub's blood pressure skyrocketing. He spends the car ride in the backseat with her, adjusting her head and checking her breathing. Hopefully this new gadget will help, and also enable her to use her swing (where her head falls at weird angles too).

We are cooking a fabulous birthday dinner tonight - shrimp scampi with linguine, caprese salad, and cheddar garlic biscuits (a.k.a. "Red Lobster biscuits"). And if Britton cooperates this afternoon I'll also make brownies.

We had a rough day yesterday. Everything was normal until around 2:00 p.m. when it seemed Britton just wasn't getting satisfied when feeding. She spent from 3:00 p.m. until 5:30 p.m. yesterday on the boob, and when the hub got home from work I asked him to warm a bottle for her. After the bottle she went to sleep for about thirty minutes, then back up all evening. Whenever I would take away the boob she would do what I call "baby bird" - eyes wide, shoving her fist in her mouth, and gasping. She stayed on for so long that I didn't get to pump much, and by her 11:00 p.m. bottle my expressed milk from the day was gone. It was the first time we had to defrost my frozen supply.

And there was another first last night. Around 8:00 p.m., she had the blow out of blow outs, actually getting poo on her boppy chair! It was a first for us as far as blow outs that left the diaper, and I immediately grabbed the stain stick. And then she decided that since she was declining in behavior, why not just let us have it? We put her down at 11:30 p.m., and she got up three times (she never gets up after going down for the night). By 12:45 a.m. she was finally asleep. Trying to make it up to me, she slept in until 6:30 a.m.

So, two "firsts" that Dr. Sears and the other "child experts" never mentions concerning one month milestones!

Never one to steal just one good idea (you'll remember I stole her heart hand picture), I "borrowed" this idea from Rachel and got some one month pictures of Britton. The hub donated his Disney meerkat to the effort.