the titty is nifty

I'm a little tired of the phrase "breast is best." I had my breastfeeding class tonight, and luckily for the hub, we have a friend in from out of town and the hub got to stay home and entertain instead of attending the two hour class with me. Turns out only about half of the class showed up anyways, and only half that showed up brought husbands. We were provided baby dolls and fake stitched boobs so we could learn latching techniques and what a clogged milk duct feels like. Of course, this was after we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, give our due date, and tell baby's name "if it wasn't secret." When it got to my turn I lied and said my husband couldn't join me because he was at work because it felt weird not acknowledging in some way that I am married and not "in trouble." Plus, I can't wear my wedding rings, so there's no outward obvious sign I'm married.

Insecurities aside, the class went fast! We had a much-needed bathroom break at the half-way point. I spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out a way to get a picture of the fake stitched boob to share with you guys, but there was no way to do it without being obvious. I could have tried to steal one, but how embarrassing would that be if I got caught? "Ma'am, we saw you put that stuffed breast in your purse. Please hand it over. We're making a note in your chart so that when you come in for delivery, the nurses will know you were the perv who tried to steal a fake boob. They will then ignore your cries for an epidural and continuously call you the wrong name."

We were treated to a slideshow, then passed around breast shells, nipple shields, breast pads, breast pumps, bottles, etc. The question and answer session was quite painless, as few people had questions, or were just too shy to ask. I was impressed that my hospital has a policy of getting your baby to you for breastfeeding within one hour (two if you have c-section) of birth. They begin with "skin on skin contact" where they lay the baby on your chest so she can feel your breathing patterns. Then, they move onto breastfeeding instruction, and basically tell everyone besides dad to get out of the room. The nurse, Jill, even told us that they do not bathe the baby before this breastfeeding because it stimulates the baby too much and they aren't as alert for the feeding. She then said that some mothers do not want to handle their babies without the baby first being bathed, and to let the nursery know if we felt this way. Everyone, including me, was taken aback by this, as I can't imagine that they bring the baby to me to breastfeed and my first statement is, "Couldn't have run her through a dishwasher first? What am I paying for in that nursery?" Totally takes me back to "16 and Pregnant!"