stripping

Who doesn't love a good stripping? Of the membranes, I mean.Here's how that one goes. The hub and I went to my doctor's appointment today, finally getting into the exam room almost an hour after my appointment time. But, whatever, I'm supposed to be understanding and accommodating. So, after the doctor comes in, we discuss any issues I may have. She likes my blood sugar numbers, but points out that yes, I will get a 168 when I eat pizza. I want to point out that I could have lied, but I didn't, and I just nod. I point out my swollen legs and pitting edema, and she's not worried because my protein levels are good and my blood pressure is freaking consistently awesome. Then she measures my belly, and gets the coy look when I ask if I'm measuring big, which I have been for months, and so she nods and says, "Forty weeks." This is my brilliant segway into the fact that the ultrasound I have seven days ago says the belly is 39 weeks, and that the baby is 7 pounds, 11 ounces. She repeats the numbers I've just given her and turns towards my chart to see what the hell I'm talking about, and the hub sees her eyes get big. Uh oh. I asked her if we'd need another ultrasound, and she gets vague about how maybe after next week's appointment we'll see. Then she goes in for the internal.

This time I know something is different because she camps out for a bit. And I told her that the hub was going to hit me if my cervix wasn't dilated and how I didn't think her nurse thought my joke about domestic violence was funny when I said the same thing to her. Well, my doctor goes into a story about how a longtime patient had come in beat to shit that day and that her nurse was probably thinking of that poor girl when I made the joke. The entire time she is looking at the hub, never at me, and she proceeds to cause me agony and pain. I start whimpering and she never breaks in her story to the hub. Afterwards, when I'm feeling used and alone on the table, she says she "roto-rootered" me, never once using the term "stripping the membranes," which is in fact the medical procedure she did. I am officially 1 centimeter dilated and 30 percent effaced, and now my membranes are stripped, which I had to google once I got home because I didn't really know what that meant.

All this after last night's fiasco of the non-stress test. Seems even though I can't feel the baby, everyone else can. When the nurse was putting the heart rate monitor on, she said, "Oh! She kicked me. Twice!" I never felt a thing. So, the NST confirmed that the baby is fine and that I'm paranoid, and also that I was a bit dehydrated. Now, filled to the gills with water, I'm still feeling Braxton-Hick contractions, still crampy from the stripping, and excessively sweaty from the high humidity I've had to deal with for the last couple of days.

the last page

As you know, I've been keeping a scrapbook of my entire pregnancy. My niece Caroline inspired it, since she gets such a kick out of pregnant pictures of my sister and her own ultrasound photos. Plus, this is my chance to really document everything as it is happening. Unfortunately, the refill pages for my scrapbook are no longer being carried by any retailer I can find. I even called the company and they were essentially useless. "Michaels carries them, but hasn't put in an order in over one year." Thanks, that was helpful. So, as I wind down to the end of my pregnancy, I have accepted that I have one last page in this book. And for my last page, I decided against more pregnancy photos (there must be one for every week in there) or another story about a doctor's appointment or baby class. I decided it was best to tell her everything I'll wish I had said or thought of or written down before she was here. And here's how that last page looks:


Your daddy and I have now waited 231 days to meet you, and we have another two weeks to go. Because my doctor visits have shown that I am not dilated or effaced, Dr. Doeden is pretty sure you don’t have to come out on your own. If that is the case, you will be induced on August 12th, which is Sadie’s birthday, and one week exactly before our third wedding anniversary. We are ready. I promise that we’ll try our hardest to be good parents, to do what is right, not necessarily what is easy. And, above all, we will always love you, no matter what. Always remember to treat other people as you would like to be treated. Do something because you want to, not because you fear you will regret not trying it. Never settle on love. Animals and children are vulnerable and innocent – protect them. Do nice things without the expectation of thanks and appreciation. Don't base someone's worth on wealth. Never stop learning and doing and trying. Order off a menu based on taste, not price. Spend your twenties selfishly – go to school, travel, live, learn, sleep late. Choose your vices wisely. Learn the art of sarcasm (ask your aunt Jessica for help on this one). Know one really good clean joke. Believe in fate, but don’t rely on it. Learn how to give a handshake correctly. Always call your parents on their birthdays.

I hope Baby B gets a kick out of this book as much as I do. And I hope we look at it together, years from now, and it reminds me of exactly how it felt the first time I ever became someone's mommy. Not just the act of birth, but the long nine month journey to get to that one moment where she becomes real. When I become mommy and the hub becomes daddy and she becomes our daughter.

the 37th week

We have reached the point in this pregnancy where the hub is now accusing me of purposefully keeping his daughter from him, as I am apparently refusing to go into labor. Really, we're both getting anxious, albeit for different reasons. The hub is ready to hold her, to break my nine month solitary knowledge of our child, and he is ready to embrace this parenthood thing wholeheartedly. He has even downloaded apps to his iPhone for the baby - one to keep track of feedings and diapers, one that plays 40 soothing sounds for the baby, and one that acts as a stethoscope (we couldn't detect the heartbeat with it. Ugh).

Me, on the other hand, I have been realizing over the last few weeks that I must now embrace the idea of forever. Seriously, it has not hit me until now, and pointing out to me that having a child falls under the "forever" category doesn't score you smart points. Want to walk away from school? Drop out. Tired of being married? Get a divorce. Sick of your job? Quit. Don't like what you've chosen? Change your mind. But a child? That is forever. Unless you're Andie's mom from "Pretty in Pink" and then you just up and bailed on your family and you're an ass. But I don't have a meth addiction that keeps me from being a good mom, then years later get sober and beg my kids for another chance, because this isn't Lifetime television for women people!

Physically, I'm pretty much the same as last week. The baby has dropped, leaving my stomach a little more room to digest my healthy food. Gross. My gestational diabetes numbers are surprisingly good, since I've added ice cream to my night snack. I still occasionally get heartburn, especially at night, and especially if I drink too much Crystal Light during the day. My Braxton-Hicks contractions are at their worse at nighttime, and get stronger when I am exercising. I believe I am now waddling more than ever, and the fatigue has finally set in. My back, hips, thighs, abdomen, bubbies - everything aches. And I have become obsessed with my sea sponge, scrubbing myself almost raw with it. I don't know - maybe it's a nesting thing? I just want to squeeze them full of soap. Really, no sponge is safe.

The hub and I have Infant CPR class tomorrow night. We're not excited, and that's probably because you don't want to think about having to use it. But since my last CPR training was in the 6th grade, it is pretty mandatory. Also, our next doctor's appointment is Thursday, and we're crossing our fingers I have made some progress on the dilation/effacement front. But if you're placing bets? My hunch is that she is already being an ornery stubborn child much like her mama and she will have to be forced from her comfortable surroundings. Hey, I don't like cold weather either!

the birth plan

Today I had a doctor's appointment, except this one was with Dr. Doeden's physician's assistant, Yolanda, as Dr. Doeden is in Canada on vacation. Who goes to Canada for vacation? Anyways, I got my results for the Strep B test, and they are negative. Yolanda couldn't figure out why I was there if I had already had the Strep B test, and I pointed out that I usually get seen on Mondays, but everyone was full on Monday so they threw me back to Friday. Yolanda checked my cervix while the hub and I held our breath and......no change. At all. Nada. My cervix is as hard as a rock, a brick, a lump of concrete. But on the bright side, I am now getting Braxton-Hicks contractions every day, and I have a low achy period-like cramping across the lower middle of my belly, which means my body is warming up.

So the hub and I keep on keepin' on, truckin' towards an eventual induction (August 12th) or labor, whichever comes first. We wrote up the birth plan last night, which I'm wondering if anyone will even look at, let alone defer to. See, back around June 22nd, when I went to go visit my mom, I was trying to get ahold of the movie "The Business of Being Born," to see what the whole process was like. I couldn't find it for sale in any retail shops in Oklahoma, so I figured I'd be left to order it from Amazon. Well, after my trip, my mom surprised me by ordering some books from Amazon for me, including the movie. Well, in fact she had ordered Ricki Lake's book, "Your Best Birth," and not the movie. I read it anyways*, since my other birth books are getting boring (do I really need a chapter on possibly dealing with loss? No). The book was amazing. And I so wanted to hate it. I'm not a granola gal - I don't eat health foods except when forced to by gestational diabetes, I don't hike, I don't follow Phish and DMB around the USA, I don't own Birkenstocks or bamboo socks. And I really don't want to give birth in a tub in the middle of my living room with candles lit and a doula chanting in the corner. But this book got me thinking about what I do want, and I hadn't gone there in my thinking up to that point. In all reality, my thoughts on birth had extended as far as "I think I'll probably get an epidural." End of story.

Well, after reading the book, I ordered the movie and the hub and I watched it together this week. Let me tell you people - don't watch this movie 36 weeks pregnant. Because at 36 weeks pregnant, you can't change doctors, you can't change hospitals, you are basically glued to the plan in place. And watching the movie was like cutting the tags off your wedding dress as you see the perfect dress in a store window across the street. Please don't misunderstand me. Nothing has changed to where I want to make any drastic changes, and with gestational diabetes, I am still at risk when it comes to birth. I still intend to labor at home with my iPod and a warm bath, and to be in a hospital to give birth. And I don't control if I get induced, because with the baby's large size I will end up with a c-section if I don't. But I no longer desire an induction and it's too long to get into here, but the methods just leave a bad taste in my mouth.

The hub and I have decided to labor as long as possible without intervention. I'm not going to say I will never get an epidural because I don't know what will happen with the birth or if I might need one. I am going to do everything possible to not rely on an epidural, and narcotics (stadol) are completely out of the question. I'm not being a martyr or a hero - I want to experience the birth process, pain and all, to really understand what it is.

So, the birth plan is complete, and ready to be turned in to my doctor at my next visit. I expect she will raise eyebrows since we have never discussed my birth plan in detail, beyond the facts that I don't want a c-section and I prefer to not get an episiotomy, and she has never uttered the words "birth plan" to me. We shall see next Thursday.

*Some of you, like me, may be fans of dooce.com. I just read her blog about her birth experience, and we have oddly ended up in the same place, after reading the same book, and it was creepy how alike our reactions were.

ultrasounds don't get old

The receptionist this morning at the ultrasound office asked me if I was tired of $50 co-pays for all my many ultrasounds, and I responded that it was the price for more pictures of my little girl. Unfortunately, I do not have any new pictures to post. Yes, they took some, but they are all fuzzy and Baby B isn't cooperating and she still has that hand in front of her face.

Good news! My amniotic fluid is at 11.1 cm - much higher than last week's 8.5 cm, and now I no longer have to go get non-stress tests. I have no idea what made the fluid fluctuate, so admittedly it could go down again, but for now everything is working well. For the first time, Baby B's belly is measuring bigger than her head. It is common before the 36th week for the head to measure larger than the belly, and common after the 36th week for the measurements to sort of "even out." But her head is now measuring 37 weeks, 1 day, and her belly is measuring 39 weeks. I don't know what the implications of this are, and my doctor is out of town until the week I am 38 weeks. So, my appointment tomorrow is with her physician's assistant, who I intend to grill to no end with my "what ifs." Dr. Doeden has always said that the head can be bigger than the belly because the head needs to come out first - if the belly is bigger than the head, you can have issues with her being stuck. Hmmmmm..... She has also gained over a pound and weighs 7 pounds, 11 ounces (average of different weight samples taken). The tech pointed out that the weight can be off by a pound, so perhaps Baby B is not on the road to weighing over 10 pounds at birth. Or maybe she is?

At my appointment on Monday, when I was not effaced or dilated at all, Dr. Doeden asked if I had been having Braxton-Hicks contractions, and I told her no. Well, since Monday I have *gross details up ahead* lost a big portion of my mucous plug (which I have been steadily losing for weeks), and I have been having Braxton-Hicks contractions, some lasting for minutes. So, perhaps the tide has turned? Maybe my body really doesn't want to give birth to a 10 pounder?

the 36th week

I had my NST (non-stress test) and doctor's appointment today. The NST went well. As long as I continue to have low amniotic fluid, I'll have to continue to have NSTs weekly. I had my internal exam today and the doctor says that my cervix is like a rock - no dilation, and no effacement. Ugh. She predicts that I will probably not go into labor on my own. At least, not soon enough for the baby to be a size that I can actually birth! I asked the doctor if she'll induce me by August 5th, and she said no. Most likely, if I haven't gone into labor on my own by August 12th, I'll be induced then. Not a bad birthday - Baby B will share Sadie's birthday! Of course, Sadie will have three years on her and show her who is boss around here. Lord knows it's not me or the hub!

So, I'm not really any closer to knowing when this baby is coming. And I have to be okay with that because I don't get to choose when she gets here. While I would love for my family to be present when she is born, that may not turn out how it happens, and I can't require my "perfect" birth to include them. Because if my family can't be here, it can't be a disappointment that affects how I feel about the birth in whole. So, I have decided that if they make it, if the stars (and airline schedules) align, and everyone shows up before Baby B does, then I will be relieved and happy, but it is no longer a requirement for me.

On Thursday we have another ultrasound to check on the low amniotic fluid. If the fluid is below 6 cm (it is at 8.5 now), then I will have an emergency induction. If the fluid is still at 8.5 cm, then I will continue with the NSTs. If the fluid is better than before, I no longer have to go for NSTs. We'll also get another check on her size.

Interestingly enough, after talking with my sister, it turns out her first pregnancy went this same way. So much in common here: she had her gestational diabetes under control, the baby's head was low and against the cervix, she had a rock-hard cervix the entire time, and she had to get induced. Our doctors even said the same thing: "Your body does not want to give up this baby." So my fear is that if I go too long, I, like my sister, will have a 9 pound, 7 ounce baby. Yikes!

the ultrasound, again

We went in for another ultrasound to check on Baby B's weight and size. Holy moly, the girl is big! Her head is measuring 37 weeks, 1 day and her weight is estimated at 6 pounds, 9 ounces. No 3-D ultrasound pictures this time, but here are some new profile pictures:




In the next two, you're looking at her nose and lips. The tech said she has full lips - didn't come from me!





At the end of the ultrasound, they went to measure my cervix. Now, I didn't need the tech to tell me that she is up against my cervix, but it was weird seeing how she's wearing my cervix like a yarmulke. The tech was a little "concerned" over the fact that I have a short cervix and called my doctor to see if she wanted them to explore that further. She also asked me questions about if I had felt fluid leaking? Was I contracting at all? She of course left me and the hub in the room to stare at each other and wonder what all of this meant. When she came back, she declared that since it was my first child, the doctor wanted her to go ahead with the detailed ultrasound of my cervix. Then, we were informed that not only is my cervix short, but my amniotic fluid is low too. After the ultrasound was complete, the tech said the doctor wanted to see me and to head over to her office now.

We headed over to Dr. Doeden's office to see what was happening, and Dr. Doeden was not concerned. I love that she tells it to you straight! My cervix is short because that is what cervixes do when they prepare for labor. Also, she isn't concerned about the fluid levels yet, but I get another ultrasound next Thursday to check on my levels. I asked her what all of this meant - the cervix, the amniotic fluid, the baby's size of 37 weeks when I'm only 35 weeks - and she said that the new due date of August 5th (2 weeks less than my previous date of August 19th) is probably a good guess. I don't have to do bedrest! But, she also said she doesn't expect me to stay pregnant past a couple of more weeks. Huh. Now I just need to wrap my mind around the fact that I have 2 less weeks to mentally prepare!

the 35th week

The belly does tricks! I had to get this quintessential photo for my baby book:





Now on to my 35th week. It is stupid hot here in Oklahoma this week - it was all of 105 degrees today! Therefore, the hub and Sadie had to leave me home for their nightly walk, since it is entirely possible I would have crumbled on the side of the road. Instead I prefer to ride my stationary bike in the air conditioning. Though, truth be told, we have it set at 70 degrees, and I still sweat if I so much as walk briskly or turn the tv channel.

My belly button still hasn't popped out, but it's really clinging on for dear life. It's now just classified as "neutral." We had our "Birth of Your Baby" class on Saturday all day, and I can happily report we survived. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be, either. The nurse who ran the class was very knowledgeable and sweet. It was great to finally get a tour of the hospital and a hospital birthing suite - private rooms only people! The hub spied out the "nutrition station" which consists of ice chips (for me) and all-you-can-drink Dr. Pepper and other sodas (for him).

We got stuck sitting next to the "weird couple." You know them - he had grey socks and white sneakers, carried a book with a doily bookmark, and she had this rash all over and some generic Birkenstocks and a distinct odor. We learned about the stages of labor and delivery, medication options, "what can go wrong," and breathing exercises. It was a little weird getting on the floor and practicing breathing techniques, but the best was the massage portion. Our nurse showed us this massage technique where the "coach/partner" puts his hands on either side of your hips/butt and pushes hard - it actually feels really awesome. I turned around to the hub and said, "That's quite a workout!" (referring to the massage) and the husband part of the weird couple goes, "Hmpf! So is labor!" Now, I'm a little testy in these last few weeks, and seriously it couldn't be hotter on the face of the sun, but I don't need weird guy's running commentary in birth class. First of all, he has no idea what labor feels like because he has no uterus. Second, I wasn't talking to him. Also, right before a break, he asked a stupid long-winded question that cut into break time. I thought the hub was going to lose it right then and there, as he was having flashbacks to law school of that moron who asks a question when there's two minutes left in class, and now the whole class has to suffer and be late because the suck-up wanted credit.

Now, the best part. No, it wasn't weird guy massaging his wife with his gross large hands, undoing her ponytail, running his hands through her straw-like hair, and continuing the breathing practice when no one else was. No, it wasn't weird guy adding "and now exhale" at the end of every breathing exercise when we were practicing them (which was never a part of the technique). It was the birth video. Three women giving birth, to be precise. Totally like sex-ed videos - maybe early 80s? Fantastic! After the videos the nurse asked, "So what do you guys think?" And someone yelled, "Scheduled c-section?" The birth part of the video didn't phase the hub (the stretching left me a little parched), but neither one of us could handle the placenta part. Gross. I just threw up a little in my mouth.

So, that's been my life this week. Tomorrow I have an eye doctor appointment because the hub pointed out that I may need to rely on glasses when feeding the kid every 2-3 hours during the night, and that my glasses are from high school. Point taken. Thursday morning is another ultrasound to check on the baby's size. I'll definitely be posting pictures, and hoping she keeps her hand out of her face this time.

the surprise

The hub surprised me this evening with my pushing gift. Admittedly, I didn't know that he even knew what a pushing gift is. I had never heard of one until a couple of months ago. I asked the hub if I should wait to open the gift until actually pushing, and he said to go for it now. Wrapped up in a girly gift bag, surrounded by pink tissue paper, was a new iPod nano! He pointed out that I can use it during labor, download relaxing songs and even videos, television shows, and movies. My old nano had no video capabilities, so this is awesome.

So sweet. I am so smitten with the hub right now.





And yes. It is pink and he had it inscribed. "Breathe. Push. Breathe. Push. I Love You. 2009."

my achy breaky bottom

Earlier this week I woke up with the worst pain in my hips. Mind you, I have been sleeping since the 4th month with a body pillow. So, I just assumed I had kicked the body pillow out of bed and my hips were out of whack because of it. Nope. It happened again the next night, except this time I was awoken every two hours with the hip I was sleeping on completely throbbing.

I did a little internet research, and found that this is a common complaint in pregnancy. Of course, no one had the answer of how to fix it other than "it goes away after you have the baby." Really? Because so does my gestational diabetes, and yet I still have to treat it while the baby is hanging out in utero. One woman suggested a half-blown up sleeping bag air mattress so your hips can "sink" into it without being pushed against the mattress. I mentioned this to the hub while complaining of my various aches and pains. Men like to listen to that stuff, right? Guess what. The hub owns a sleeping bag air mattress. I had no idea. We have been together almost six years, married almost three years, and I had no idea. Maybe had I ever gone camping with him I might be in on this little secret, but who knew a possible solution to my achy breaky bottom was stowed away in the garage?

So, the half-blown up air mattress now hangs out under the featherbed, and I sleep on top of it all with barely half a sheet (or else I'm just way too hot) and Sadie sucking my heat down near my feet, with my leg slung over the body pillow. And you know what? It works. Yes, I still get up every two hours to pee, but that's just my body acclimating me to getting up with Baby B once she makes her appearance. And while I used to be able to sleep through a hurricane, used to be able to sleep ten hours straight without the aid of alcohol, I no longer can. I am up every two hours and sometimes I am downright alert. It's weird. So no more achy breaky bottom.

My normal bed:

My bed altered with air mattress, featherbed, and body pillow:

the titty is nifty

I'm a little tired of the phrase "breast is best." I had my breastfeeding class tonight, and luckily for the hub, we have a friend in from out of town and the hub got to stay home and entertain instead of attending the two hour class with me. Turns out only about half of the class showed up anyways, and only half that showed up brought husbands. We were provided baby dolls and fake stitched boobs so we could learn latching techniques and what a clogged milk duct feels like. Of course, this was after we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves, give our due date, and tell baby's name "if it wasn't secret." When it got to my turn I lied and said my husband couldn't join me because he was at work because it felt weird not acknowledging in some way that I am married and not "in trouble." Plus, I can't wear my wedding rings, so there's no outward obvious sign I'm married.

Insecurities aside, the class went fast! We had a much-needed bathroom break at the half-way point. I spent a good ten minutes trying to figure out a way to get a picture of the fake stitched boob to share with you guys, but there was no way to do it without being obvious. I could have tried to steal one, but how embarrassing would that be if I got caught? "Ma'am, we saw you put that stuffed breast in your purse. Please hand it over. We're making a note in your chart so that when you come in for delivery, the nurses will know you were the perv who tried to steal a fake boob. They will then ignore your cries for an epidural and continuously call you the wrong name."

We were treated to a slideshow, then passed around breast shells, nipple shields, breast pads, breast pumps, bottles, etc. The question and answer session was quite painless, as few people had questions, or were just too shy to ask. I was impressed that my hospital has a policy of getting your baby to you for breastfeeding within one hour (two if you have c-section) of birth. They begin with "skin on skin contact" where they lay the baby on your chest so she can feel your breathing patterns. Then, they move onto breastfeeding instruction, and basically tell everyone besides dad to get out of the room. The nurse, Jill, even told us that they do not bathe the baby before this breastfeeding because it stimulates the baby too much and they aren't as alert for the feeding. She then said that some mothers do not want to handle their babies without the baby first being bathed, and to let the nursery know if we felt this way. Everyone, including me, was taken aback by this, as I can't imagine that they bring the baby to me to breastfeed and my first statement is, "Couldn't have run her through a dishwasher first? What am I paying for in that nursery?" Totally takes me back to "16 and Pregnant!"

the 34th week

I have been having fits of nesting all weekend. Last night, I took the tags off of all baby clothes sized 0-3 months, baby blankets, mittens, socks, washcloths, burping cloths, bibs, basically anything I could get my hands on made of cloth, and washed it all. During the wash cycle, while I was working out on the stationary bike, I had the hub look up if we could use dryer sheets or not. For some reason I had the thought that you can't, and we ended up not using any. As I was folding the swaddler later, I asked the hub if you can use a swaddler and a gown at the same time - wouldn't the baby get too hot? We didn't know, had no instinct one way or the other, so I checked with my sister today. I also remembered to ask her if you have a catheter with an epidural - all these random questions pop into my head, and my google search list must look ridiculous by now.

I had a doctor's appointment today. We scheduled another ultrasound for July 16th to check on the baby's size. My next appointment is July 20th, where we will discuss the results of the ultrasound, and I get an internal exam (oh, the fun!). I asked the doctor if we would be looking at induction if the baby continued to be big (she measured normally today), and the doctor told me she doesn't like to do inductions. Well, I don't like the idea of birthing a 10 pound baby, so perhaps we need to meet in the middle here. She did say a lot of what we decide to do will be based on the ultrasound results, so I'm still waiting to see.

Perhaps even more exciting (to me), my blood sugar is under control, so no need for insulin! I have lost another pound, for a total loss of 3 pounds since 32 weeks. No need to worry though because it is due to the gestational diabetes - my total gain this pregnancy is only 20 pounds. I also found out that the hub and I can have two more people in the delivery room. This won't be a problem if I'm not induced, because other than the hub's parents in Florida, and my sister and mom in Virginia, no one else is showing up. And without an induction date, it is unlikely anyone will be able to catch a plane quickly enough to make it here for delivery. But if I am induced, that leaves me and the hub with one guest each. Also, the hospital won't let my sister videotape the actual birth. As my doctor said, "No crotch shots." She can videotape the labor, then the baby proudly having entered the world, but no in-between because of some lawsuit out of Florida five years ago.

So, this week I have a dentist appointment on Thursday and on Friday I am touring two daycare centers and getting on the waiting lists. It's supposed to top 100 degrees here, so I'll be laying on the couch in the air conditioning as much as possible.