two weeks notice

I gave my two weeks' notice today at work. It was a surprise to most, though not completely unexpected. I've been in a position for almost a year which neither challenges me nor uses my education. I have pushed for a promotion, a promotion for which I am qualified without the additional experience I've attained. And once again, during my review, I was told I wasn't getting promoted. In fact, I was told that until I was actually performing the job I wouldn't get it. And because I was already stretching myself "proving" myself for the past six months, I did what I don't normally do. I gave up.

I'm tired of convincing my superiors that I am capable of performing job duties I already perform on a daily basis. I'm tired of sucking up to my manager's superiors so they might one day remember my name. And I'm tired of peering from my cubicle to the office which should be mine. And seeing that only one woman is on that side of the hallway. Honestly, I'm tired of being the most overqualified person for the job, and constantly being told to be patient.

I won't do it anymore. And I won't work for them anymore. So, I have since found a new job, one I got based on my resume. Read that again - I didn't even have to interview. I've spent the last year and half fighting that I don't know how to work without something to prove, a looming law degree chip on my shoulder. The deference is deafening.

I left practicing law because I can't be in court late and be home to make Britton's dinner. Being a present mommy means not being a public defender. And I've made my peace with what I can and cannot give up. But that doesn't mean I can't be a lawyer. And come two weeks from now, I will be. Again. Or maybe I always was? Regardless, I'm currently catching up on MCLEs so I can get my license active, while simultaneously freaking the frack out. My self-doubt is palpable - it comes with the territory of learning a new field of law six years out of law school. And, honestly, I can't pretend that being overlooked at work hasn't made me believe in myself less- it has.

I'm sad about leaving my co-workers - the camaraderie was the only thing holding me there, since any talk of opportunity was a lie. But you don't stay at a job for people. People who, while providing comic relief and sympathetic ears, don't have to put up with the same issues. And I firmly believe, being the third person to give notice in less than two weeks, that those people won't be there anyways.

So, I'm excited and nervous and scared and every emotion between. And while I may have allowed my previous position to convince me I shouldn't reach for bigger and better, I am slowly learning to silence that self-doubt voice. I'm ready for this change.